Friday, 4 March 2011

Filling in the blanks...This is me

I was tagged the other day by the lovely Mich over at Mummy from the heart in two memes - crikey, two!

Luckily for me, I have kind of already done the first one so I'm going to cheat a little bit.  'This is me' is a meme where you get your child to draw a picture of you and share in with the world.  Much to my embarrassment, here's one she did earlier.

The second meme is 'Filling in the Blanks', from Wendy's original idea over at Inside the Wendyhouse,  and has proved much more tricky.  So, this will either allow you to learn a little bit more about me hiding behind my laptop, or else nobody will be interested and it will simply be a therapy session for myself!  Here goes...

I am Tired, mostly.  I'm fed up with the constant feeling of exhaustion, the lack of energy and the fact that even if I have a great night' sleep, I always wake up more tired than when I went to bed.  When I wake up some mornings I literally cannot move. I feel sapped.  I have felt like this all my adult life, with the brief exception of when I was pregnant.  For most of those nine months, I actually felt alive. I felt energised. I felt great.  Then the tiredness returned after having Ruby, not helped of course by the fact that she didn't sleep through the night for us until she was past 2 years old.

I've seen various different GPs over the years. They've sent me for blood tests. They have checked I'm not anaemic or diabetic. They've found nothing apart from a lower than average white blood cell count.

It looks like I'm going to have to live with it.

The bravest thing I have ever done was jump out of an aeroplane. To be fair, I did have a parachute on and I was strapped to a trained tandem instructor.  This experience was a 'thoughtful gift' from the old man one birthday.  For the life of me I'm not sure why he booked it - I'd never expressed any desire to hurl myself out of a plane. But I did it and I'm very proud.  Even if I did look like Wallace from Wallace and Gromit on the way down because I had my mouth open when I jumped, it's then impossible to shut it as your cheeks fill with air.  I have hunted high and low for the photo or the DVD of me doing this, but I can't find it.  Shame!

The sense of fear was incredible. Like nothing I've ever experienced before. I actually thought I was going to pass out sitting on the ledge of that plane. 

Whenever I'm scared or nervous of something, I think back to this and know that surely, if I could do this then I can do anything.

I feel prettiest when I have those days when things just go right.  You know the days, when your hair behaves, when you have no spots, the bags under the eyes aren't too bad.  There's no rhyme nor reason as to when these days will be, but occasionally they do just happen.  It's a self-fulfilling prophecy too - when you think you look attractive/ok/better than normal, it gives you more confidence, makes you walk taller and that in turn makes you look better.

Wish those days would happen more often!

Something that keeps me awake at night is worrying. I'm a terrible worrier. From the state of the planet to whether I remembered to get the mince out of the freezer and everything in between.

My favourite meal is one where we can all sit together as a family and Ruby eats her dinner without fuss.  Without getting down from the table 100 times. Without having a fit because she doesn't want it.  Without having to resort to threats of no pudding unless it is eaten up. Where we can sit, relax and talk about our day.

The way to my heart is usually a simple act.  A kiss from my daughter. A thoughtful note on the fridge from the old man.  A lovely message out of the blue from a friend.  Failing that, chocolates work too.

I would like to be a good mother.  I do my best, but I could do better.

So that's me, warts and all.

In the spirit of blogging memes, I have to tag some other lovelies now.  You can do one or the other or both of these, and I'm going to tag:







  1. Gosh the tiredness sounds awful. I hope you can get an anwser and some help.

    I really related to a meal with the kids sitting att he table and not constantly getting down - ohh it drives me nuts.

    Thanks for playing along.

    Mich x

  2. Hi there,

    I wonder if you've seen a food allergy specialist regarding your fatigue? Myself and a friend noticed a general improvement in our health and energy levels after gradually phasing out wheat, gluten and refined sugars. I know it sounds drastic, but even reducing one of these groups could help. I enjoyed your post,simple and honest,I related to most of it as a mum trying her best! Lucy x

  3. Thanks Mich, and thanks for tagging me in the first place. x

    Hi Lucy, thanks so much for the suggestion. I'll look into it - did you do that privately? x

  4. I assume they've checked for a thyroid problem. Mind you I think you can still have a thyroid problem if your count is in the normal range(albeit at the low end), but the chances of persuading them to something about it may be small.

  5. Have they ruled out hyperthyroidism Liz? That can cause difficulty with sleeping and fatigue.

    Wow, a parachute Jump!! My Sister has done one but I could never - I'd probably die of a heart attack half way down!

    I'm a born worrier too... doesn't help with the sleep either, does it!

  6. Oh Liz, you are a great Mum, stop WORRYING! My motto in life is I want to be remembered for what I did do and not for what I didn't!!!Smile and be more easy on yourself!
    Kind Regards
    Ellie x

  7. Hi Again

    Th NHS recommend finding your nearest accredited allergy tester through Allergy UK

    The most important thing is being patient, many people find it difficult to stick to the suggestions for long enough to see results. My friend had a combination of problems including insomnia, spotty skin ans sluggish digestion. After 8 months all of these symptoms have disappeared, and she can tolerate small amounts of the foods she initially cut out. I still enjoy chocolate, wine, pizza etc, I try to stick to an 80/20 rule, with 80% of my diet being all tolerable foods. Good luck if you give it a go!

    Lucy x

  8. Your last bit "I want to be a good mother" well from what i see liz ur a fab mum theres lots of people who dont do half the fun activities etc you do with your little girl!!! alot kids are shoved in front of the tv or left to play video games most the time! dont put yaself down your doing a great job x

    Have just done my meme hope ive done it rite and tagged rite :~

  9. Ellie and Jane, thank you for your comments x

    Lucy, thanks for popping back and for your info. I will look into it -not sure I could give up pizza either ;0) x

  10. Thank you for tagging me, for this great meme!
    Simple acts are always the best ones to have! Also, all Mums feel this at some point in their lifes, my saying is 'You do the best that you can' any Mum who thinks they are a SuperMum is lieing! B x