Am I / Aren't I?

Two and a half years ago, whilst laying on the bed in theatre after four and a half days of contractions and finally an emergency C-section, I distinctly remember saying to the midwife:-

"I know people probably say this to you all the time, but I REALLY REALLY mean this : You will NEVER EVER see me in here again!"

I absolutely meant it too. Well, my opinion has mellowed slightly, and I'm now in the not just yet camp when it comes to having a second baby.

The pressure is mounting however. A couple of months ago it seemed everyone I knew was pregnant. All of my ante-natal group have either just had, or are currently pregnant with their 2nd babies.

It seems that once you have one child, the world and his wife feel at liberty to offer their opinion about when number two should come along, and come out with annoyingly ridiculous statements like "you're not getting any younger you know" or "the clock's ticking".

Me and the Mr have had the discussions - both firmly sitting on opposite sides of the fence. I have now told him that I want to get married before having our second so that's shut him up for a while.

This past week or so, I have been feeling decidedly sick. Not actually being sick, just feeling very queasy, and having to move around very slowly for fear of throwing up. At the weekend, I had some very odd springey pains in my tummy (a bit like ovulation, but more painful). Simon looked like a cheshire cat when I told him this, and kept harping on about a not-too-careful-incident a few weeks back.

I shrugged this off. No, I couldn't be.

A few days ago, I was passing my local second-hand furniture shop. Outside was a lovely wooden rocking chair. Out of nowhere, into my head popped an image of me sitting in it, rocking gently and cradling a tiny baby. Without even acknowledging this thought, and before I knew it, I'd paid for the chair and was carrying it triumphantly home.

Well, without going into too much detail, today I discover I most definately am NOT pregnant. How do I feel about this? Oddly, a strange mix of relief and disappointment, which has only confused me further.

I do however, have a rather nice new chair x